Friday, April 11, 2008

Some memorable first dates

Date 1: With the "I'm so perfect man"
Me: I'm so sorry I'm late, couldn't get a cab fast enough. [I was like 20mins late]
Him: No, it's ok
Me: I'm really sorry
Him: No, it's fine
Me: So tell me about yourself
Him: Well, I am a very time conscious person. When I tell somebody a particular hour, I stick to it.
[I thought he said he was ok with my being late]
Much later:
Him: What church do you attend?
Me: House on the rock
Him: Oh, I used to go there until I saw the light. Don't worry, you'd get there soon.
[What?!!Telling a potential friend she is in darkness on the first date? Who died and made you judge?]

Date 2: With the Narcissist
Him: Do you like sports?
Me: Yes, I like to watch...
Him: [Interrupts me] I play bball, football...I'm really good with sports.
Me: Oh, that's good
Him: Do you like to travel?
Me: Yes, I would love to see...
Him: [Interrupts me again] I love to travel! I've been on almost every continent! I go every where.
Me: Lucky you
Him: What do you read?
Me: Novels like...
Him: I read a lot, everything even...
[Did he really need a living date?]

Date 3: With the Insecure Freak
Him: Is that all you'll have?
Me: Yes, I'm ok
Him: Take more
Me: No, I'm ok [Sho, na by force]
Him: Do u think I cannot afford it?
Me: No, I'm ok, really
Him: I feel insulted
Me: Please don't be
Him: Ok, tell me about yourself
Me: Well, I'm just me, I could be friendly when need be, quiet when need be...I could say I'm a Chameleon, LOL
Him: That's bad! You shouldn't be a chameleon
[The dude starts telling me why I shouldn't be a chameleon. For goodness sake, I was only spoiling for a laugh!]
Next thing I know, he sends me a text, telling me how I treated him like shit, like he didn't have money, like he wasn't worthy of me. I'm wondering where he got that from.

Date 4:With the sex head
Him: Ejura, I love you. I want to marry you
Me: But I've told you before that I cannot marry you
Him: But why?
Me: Because I don't see you in that light; besides there's someone else
Him: Forget about him, I want to spoil you silly
Me: Thanks but I don't love you like that
Him: I know what would make you love me
Me: Really? What?
Him: Allow me have carnal knowledge of you.

Date 5: With the Desperado
Him: I really like you
Me: Thanks
Him: Baby, do you think we can be together?
Me: Like friends?
Him: Who's talking about friends here? I want to marry you
Me: But you just met me the day before yesterday
Him: It doesn't matter. I need to get married now. I'm old enough to be married. All my friends are getting married
Me: But what about love?
Him: I can take care of you girl. I'd give you all you need. You're igala, I'm igala, we can make this work.

Date 6: With an interesting man
Him: I was thinking you should try indian food so I took the liberty of ordering
Me: No, it's fine. I might as well try it today.
Him: It's really spicy you know. And they have the most lovely rice
Me: Really?
Him: Yes
[Food arrives]
Me: Wow, where do I start from?
Him: Let me show you. The green stuff over there is the peppermint...
Me: Peppermint in food?
Him: Haha, funny right? That's the way they eat it
Me: Hmm, kinda tasty
Him: I like that you're curious about it...
[This guy was so interesting, I had a great evening!]

Brothers abound in different flavours jare!
Have a great weekend!


30+ said...

Please tell me you did not have to endure date 1-5 within the same month sha.

"I am Igalla we make this thing work"

"let me have carnal knowledge of you"

As in oh my God someone slap me on the back so I can close my mouth.

30+ said...

Yeah and I am first and second!

soupasexy said...

geeez, were u on one of those dating shows on tv?

"let me have carnal knowledge of u"
who says that,was he from Moses times..the (sumtin sumtin BC)lol

classybabe said...

lol@you are igalla,i am igalla.
I am so perfect man telling you off for coming late on the sly.There are really all sorts of guys out there,interesting bunch.

fantasy queen said...

lol' guys are so amazing. you're dates would make for a splendid soap opera.

how come some guys are so clueless?

plus, date num 6 sounds like a keeper, is he? tell me he didnt turn out to be a phony please...

carnal knowledge

Smaragd said...

lmao! i dont envy u ur dates o, haba! date 5 seemed cool sha.
at least u didnt have to endure one guy with all the vices of dates 1-4!lol
so whatsup with date 5 now? update o

anonymous gal said...

gosh the men u hang out have all jammed one or two of the. men...*shakes head whilst chucklin*

ejura said...

@30+: No it happened at different times oh! The same month? I'd just throw in the towel on the whole dating thing then!
The let me have carnal knowledge guy made me laugh myself in stitches! Twas crazy man!

Yeah, yeah, u first and second!

@soupasexy:Yeah, I'm thinking it was a reality show!Even Moses wud have put it better!Lol!

@classybabe: Yes oh, different flavours!I guess sum people are just suckers for punctuality. Cud even walk out on their brides if they show late on the wedding day!

@fantasy queen:I wish I knew the answer to their cluelessness sumtimes. Maybe sum of them think with the wrong organ sumtimes. Date 6 was a sweet bored divorced balding man. I still enjoy his friendship till today but ain't gonna be with a man with so much emotional baggage.

@smaragd: Date 5 was a self conceited arrogant man. Has the bucks tho and dresses to kill. Unfortunately, i just can't be with a man like that. Dez got to be more in choosing a mate than "I'm igala, you're igala" in my opinion! I haven't hed from him in a while sha; i guess hiz abandoned my case.

@anonymous gal: Why do u have to be anonymous? Know that song? You for gist me about the dates you've had now. We could come up with a book for men inspired by all our "fantastic" dates. Wat do u think?

When all's said and done sha, men are very courageous people.Inspite of possible rejections and all, they still press on towards their goal.

Afrobabe said...

sweetheart u be igalla???

I am idoma...

Aijay said...

"Allow me have carnal knowledge of you."
Are u kidding me? Was he high or something?

tobenna said...

This, Ejura, is hilarious...

princesa said...

I cant stop laughing at "You're igala, I'm igala, we can make this work"
That man dey craze seriously!!!

Why do guys always think a girl will love them if she sgrees to sleep with them?? Some guy once told me that too.

Smaragd said...

OMG! Ejura, my bad! i meant date 6 o!i forgot there were 6 dates. see now, i wrote, i SO dont like date 5, met loads of his type...ew!

Free-flowing Florida said...



actually, i've had worse, still it's funny 2 someone else describe theirs


Free-flowing Florida said...

so, wot became of date 6?