Friday, March 14, 2008

Picture Rants

Wasn't sure what to blog about so I decided to put up these pictures. They've been in my phone for awhile now so why not blog them up?


I'm thinking of starting my own telecommunications outfit someday so when my little cousin placed her hand over mine one afternoon, i seized the opportunity. I may just call it Lokia or Porkia or dorkia or norkia. Notice I spelt it NORKIA with an R and not NOKIA without an R. So no legal cases for me.
Original: Nokia-connecting people
Mine: Norkia-connecting some people

The park

I've always loved to paint and I used to do it on cardboards with water colours. However, I did this using "paint" on the computer and then used sepia to come up with this image. I like to think it's a...never mind what I like to think. I'm just glad there's "paint" on the pc.

Three scents
These three perfumes were given to a friend of mine at about the same time by three different men who were and are still in love with her. I found the situation hilarious as I tried on the perfumes to see which one had the best scent. I'm hoping the best scent will win. She has no comment on that one.

My new pet

After Max died, I was in dire need of another pet and I found them in these flowers which I asked my neighbor's gardener to help plant infront of my house. I used to think that talking to plants was plain silly until I started talking to these ones. I talk to them while I feed them with water and sometimes I can swear they look pretty happy and excited to see me. My mother thinks I'm weird but then she gave birth to me so I'm wondering who is weirder...


Yes me, with my uneven eyebrows [One rises up like an arc and the other is just plain flat. My sister thinks it's funny and I could care less] and my gap toothed smile. People like to think I'm nice, vulnerable, gentle and can't hurt a fly but I wish they'd look a little bit deeper...They'd see the ant squashed between my thumb and fore finger. Do you see those acne scars? No you can't! They're so faint now but you should have seen them like four years back when I would never have posed for a pic like this...thank God for the ability skin has to renew itself.

Cast no stones

I placed pebbles on my hand and took this shot. I then used features on my phone just like I explained in the picture below to come up with this. I called it cast no stones after the story of Jesus and the prostitute in the bible. I still wonder what happened to the man who paid for her services before she was caught.

Hand art

I like to imagine I am one creative Italian photographer sometimes and in this picture, I placed two pebbles in my hand and snapped away. I then used the sepia and cartoon feature on my phone to create this image. I thought it was cool and I still think so.

Fruit cake

I went for a friend's birthday party and when his wife set out this gorgeous cake my eyes went pop! I love cakes! Chocolate is my best, Coffee is good too. And I love to delve in with my spoon, slice off a chunk of creamy chocolatey goodness, put it in my mouth and close my eyes in sheer ecstacy.

Sir Charles

A smoker friend of mine once gave me his ash tray as a souvenir. He washed out all the ash in it and had it wrapped up for me. I love the way it looks and I filled it up with stones. I like to pretend it is 12th century gothic art and that it's been passed on from one generation to another.

Labadi stones

These are some of the stones I picked from Labadi beach in Ghana. My friend who's married to a Ghanaian had a great eye and selected more beautiful stones than I did. But still I love these ones. Especially that huge black one. Sometimes I place them down the length of my arm and imagine I am at a spa having stone therapy.
Get a lovely transparent glass cup or container of any kind, fill it with water and dropp coloured pebbles and shells in it. It makes for one striking colourful decor piece. It's cheap and doesn't take time to make. Light a scented candle next to it and it makes for one beautiful romantic setting.
Ok, that's it folks. Hope you enjoyed my picture rants. Today's the Mega JAM festival organized by House on the Rock, Abuja and I'm gonna be there live. You're all invited. I'd probably be wearing a brown t-shirt with my name pasted on it and jeans. So you can look out for me [Yeah, right!]. Don Moen's going to be around and I'm dying to work my way up to him to teach him an igala song. Did I hear you say not on my life?
I'll show you impossible is a word that doesn't really exist.

Have a great weekend.








why all this space? I find it annoying.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Part III-conclusion

Oh yes, he had been doing the same thing to them too and threatening them into keeping quiet. [I still wonder till today why no one noticed. How did he get away with all this? ] I was furious and indignant and livid and angry! I could taste the bile in my mouth. Somehow I couldn’t hold it in anymore and went to see my dad for a talk. If my dad was shocked, he hid it well but I could tell he was furious and sad. He told me not to tell my mom with good reason-she’d kill my cousin [I still haven’t told her to this day]. Anyway my cousin was no longer with us and had moved on to my aunt’s house in another city. My dad called her to warn her that they were harboring a Mr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde. I guess it was too late for he had touched some of the kids there too.

I felt much freer after this but I had my polluted mind to deal with. So much garbage had gone into it and it was going to take some time to clear it out. I started reading my bible more often, threw out all my novels [You know there’s a lot of written porn in many romance novels today] and avoided watching soaps for sometime. It wasn’t easy but I was determined to be free. And it was working. I had many relapses though but this was where I learnt there is no such thing as over-night success. You keep trying, you keep falling but you keep picking yourself up and trying again.

Still I hated my cousin and didn’t want to see him ever again.
Anyway, one day I stumbled upon a diary and discovered it was his. I was thrilled to find it and eagerly leafed through the pages looking for something to nab him with. It was full of phone numbers and addresses and then a few unimportant info here and there. Then I came across an entry he had made and I was shocked.

In paraphrase [I would be a wizard if I could remember it word for word]:

“Please God, help me. I can’t help myself. I hate what I have become but I can’t seem to help myself. I hate what I do but I can’t stop…”

Needless to say, I was shocked, confused and then angry. This devil of a cousin had the audacity to go to God?! I hoped God will never forgive him and that he will die with his sins on his head.

Fancy that! They destroy your life and still have the guts to cry out to God for mercy? If you’ve watched T.D Jakes “Woman thou art loosed” [The movie], you’d understand what I mean.

Anyway, I got into the university and had other things to occupy myself with for a while. It was funny I never dated any guy until my last year in school. I guess I had a lot of healing to do. But gradually I started getting much better and making progress. I fast discovered I wasn’t the only girl who’d gone through stuff like this. And one day I began wondering about my cousin.

Was it possible someone else had also done the same thing to him too when he was a child?

It’s a long story but somehow I struggled to forgive him and though it was somewhat difficult, I realized I couldn’t keep hating him for the rest of my life. It takes too much energy to hate someone. If anything I felt pity for him. He was going to have to live with this on his conscience for the rest of his life and that was enough punishment in my opinion so I forgave him and moved on.

He got married last year and I called him the morning of his wedding to congratulate him. His wife is a nice woman and I hope she never leaves him entirely alone with their babies when they start making them. [He seems different but to me he will always be a man to be wary of] My sister still hates him but I guess these things take time.

It was a long tedious journey but I made it and I'm still on my way. It's amazing how I can look back at this horid event and feel no pain or anger. There was a time I never believed it possible;

You take care and watch your kids!!!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Disvirgined virgin II

I was 12 and here I was with a secret that was so dark it was choking me. Yet there was nothing I could do about it. And no one even noticed because I was pretty normal in every other way. At school, I maintained my good grades, still loved drawing & painting, still made clothes for my dolls, still laughed, my life was normal and what was happening with my cousin was just a bad dream.

Except it wasn’t.

In between, I had developed an attraction for anything erotic. I first started with the magazine in which the main porn star was Dauda; I think it was called Lolly or something. Then Mills & Boons came into the picture and then James Hardly Chase. Soon, I was touching myself and fantasying about the men I read of in the books and even about my cousin!

I was about 14 when I found out the word for what I was doing. It was in Sister Mary- George’s class. She was teaching on sex and she mentioned the word masturbation and described it to the class. I couldn’t look at the board after that and the shame I felt was intense. At home, I checked the word out in a dictionary just to be sure and I found that Sister Mary was not lying.
My life spiraled out of control after this; my parents were going through a separation and I couldn’t tell anyone what I was going through. Who would understand? Who would help me? I thought sometimes about killing myself but I was too much of a coward to do this [thank God!]; so instead I’d pinch myself till it hurt and I’d cry.
Still no one noticed anything was wrong.

By 16, I realized I needed help. But who to meet? Where to go to? Then one day, I couldn’t take it any longer. I knew about God but felt that he hated me as much as I hated myself and was ready to kill me. Still, I felt the strong urge to kneel by my bed and pray. I did kneel by my bed but I couldn’t pray. Instead I cried. My body racked from my sobs and I cried for a long time. It’s hard to explain what happened next and it’s possible many people won’t believe me but suddenly I knew someone else was in the room with me and he was holding me tenderly. I couldn’t see him but I could feel him and I felt buried in a thick cloud of warmth. I raised my tear stained face and for the first time in my life I knew I was free. I felt extremely light, almost like a feather and I knew from then on everything was going to be ok. I remember getting up and laughing with excitement. I felt like running round the house shouting freedom! Freedom! This memory will die with me.

I have a friend who keeps telling me God doesn’t exist and that Jesus is just mostly a figment of man’s imagination and sometimes his arguments are so strong I also begin to wonder. But then I remember what happened in that room many years ago besides other things and I just know God is real and alive and that He is crazy about me in a way no one else is!

Anyway, my life started to look up after this and I began to thirst for God. I wish I could say things got better and that the nightmare ended but oh no it didn’t.
It was at this time I discovered that this same cousin had also been seeking out my sister and brother…

Disvirgined virgin

He always managed to find me which wasn't such a surprise as we lived in the same house. He would pull me to himself, raise my skirt, pull down my pants and push his fingers in so hard that it hurt. When he was done, he would arrange my clothes and warn me not to tell. And I would nodd my agreement and watch him walk away.

I was about 7 or even younger. He was perhaps 15 or maybe even older. He was my cousin and he was a monster no one knew lived in the house. And this monster was taking away my innocence everyday.

This went on untill I was about 11. By then I knew what he was all about and I allowed him do whatever it was he wanted to do. Somehow I wanted him to do it. Push his hands into my skirt and do what he had to do. He would also bring out his penis and ask me to hold unto it. I was scared and curious and guilty and damned and helpless...

By age 12, I discovered what the word sex meant in a dictionary and I realised I had been engaging in some mild form of it all this while. Somehow finding out exactly what the word meant and how it applied to my situation set something off in me. I hated him and I hated myself even more. No one knew. And that was how I wanted it to remain. A dark secret that would somehow eventually kill me...

Oneday I was in the dinning and he rushed and grabbed my breasts. I was 12 and just budding and if you're a woman, you'll no doubt understand how painful it is for anyone to even mildly touch your breasts at this stage. Well, this cousin did and I was so upset I picked up an empty coke bottle I found by the door and launched at him. I wanted to kill him and not just because he had touched my breasts but because of everything he had done to me. My hatred was enough fuel to help me inflict some pain on him even if I was just a skinny little girl and I was determined to do it until I heard my mom's scream.

"Ejura, what is wrong with you?!!!" My mom shouted. I was breathing hard and staring my cousin in the face, my face set as rock.
I pointed the bottle at him and let out a string of insults "Stupid, idiot, devil...!!!". My mom had never seen me that way before and she was surprised.
"Don't you have any respect for your seniors?" She shouted at me while I watched my cousin smirk.
"Apologize now" She ordered but I knew I was never going to do that and as I looked at my mom I wondered if I should tell her everything. My lips trembled with rage as I contemplated my next step and I finally decided to keep quiet.
She won't understand. She'd blame me for everything. Everyone would. Will. Shall. I was guilty and that was it...

To be continued...

Monday, March 3, 2008


"A bird in hand is worth two in the bush"

What if the bird in hand is dead?