Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Rice and stew very plenty...

Mama Iyabo: Customer, how now?
Mama B: Fine oh!

Mama Iyabo: Abeg give me two bags of rice.
Mama B: The money don add oh!

Mama Iyabo: You like money too much jo. No be 6000 for bag? How much you wan add on top again?
Mama B: Rice don cost oh! Na 12,000 for one bag now.

Mama Iyabo: 12 gini? Na play you dey play or what?
Mama B: Which kain play now? Market woman the play?

Mama Iyabo: 12 thou wetin? You mean say my two bag na 24,000.
Mama B: Na so I see am.

I don't know about everywhere else but the rate at which mosquitos are attacking us in Abuja is crazy. I've used all the insecticides I know and the result is no different. Bagon, Raid, Mobil, Mortein...Anyone know anything else I can use? Suggestions anyone?

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Nothing much to talk about

Today I woke up feeling like a truck had run over my nose. I hate Catarrh! I hate it so much. I started having the symptoms yesterday morning and by night it had become a full fledged cold. I've soaked myself in hot water, drank tea, applied Robb all over my chest and even swallowed a tablet of actifed but my nose is still blocked. I feel like yanking it off and scraping all the catarrh out! (I know this isn't lady like but who cares now jo). Plus I had a bad hair day this morning.

So, I've been reading the comments you guys left me on the undies thingy and laughing in spite of the pain I feel in my chest. Brothers, make una the make mouth oh! Una well done. None panty washers! Who even wants you to touch their undies sef?!

So I went ablogging this morning and here's small gist on the posts that are up as I understand them.

Ladyguide: She's our guide oh and her posts are really full of guiding materials. Current post [That is if she doesn't put something else up like in the next 10 secs] is "When do you start flogging your kids?" Go leave your comments there.

Afrobabe: This sista sha...I...ok, this post has a picture attached to it. On first glance it's just a pic until you look closer and you see it's more than a pic.... Hers talks about "When to have sex in a relationship". She actually wanted to put up something political and serious and stuff, according to her, but she came up with this instead.
PS: Abeg, that her advice sha get as e be. Afrobabe, you no go kill me!

Today's ranting: She is still on about the general oh! I'm thinking it's Sani Abacha but there are so many African generals like that in Africa that it could be any number of them.

Free flowing florida: Her post is on pregnancy, abortion and the hypocrisy of it all. And I'm asking myself, what would I do if I got preg today. I'm pro life and all but what would I do when faced with a growing egg in my womb? Speaking of which, I heard Barrak Obama made one "Baby killer" oops in a speech. I don't have the full gist yet sha.

**Men, una see the fight for Delta State, House of Assembly? Are those guys touts or leaders? Kai!**

Princesa: Yeah, her bro got married and she has the pics up. They all look splendid in Blue and Yellow. I wonder what my own colour will be? What if I use black?

Andy: Finally some drama in the medical world! Two ladies have a crush on our dear recently married Andy! He's become crush sandwich and his post about it is so hilarious. Way to go Doc!

30+: I'm not sure what I read now but did she really say something about going bald? I don't think so!

Aloofar: Is still reading Richard Branson's "Screw it, let's do it" oh! I can't wait to read it myself.

Smaragd: She's got some facts on her post. So the fear of insects is called Entomophobia? I didn't know that. What is the fear for a specific insect called because I am darn scared of cockroaches! I hate em, I can't kill em and I can't sleep when I see one! Once I kept a vigil in my room because there was one high up on the wall and it was too late to beg anyone to help me kill the brown warrior. Some of them look like they've been around for 100 years. Kai! I don't even like spraying them with insecticide because they get crazy and start to, those things are demonic!

Aijay: Make una help me beg this madam to update! She's been reminiscing for so long now. Aijay, please do something!

Honey well: She has something on "Bite me". Something she saw on ladi's blog. She also has a video up on Steve Harvey. I'm yet to watch it though.

Kai, I'm tired let me rest small.

I painted my nails a deep red abi na maroon today and I am not sure whether I should go look for gloves to wear or just flaunt em. That colour is so bold I'm not sure why I chose it. Actually, the girl at the saloon assured me it was fine but now I'm thinking of suing her for negative influence! I wish I were in America where I could make a fortune off suing people! I'd sue the amebo security men at my office. I'd sue my boss's P.A for continuous toasting even after I said I no want. I'd sue my neighbour for leaving his gen on all night. Haba, na only him need light?! I'd sue the guy who stepped on my toes and didn't apologize. I'd sue the electronic security doors in that bank that keeps screaming "metal, metal, metal". Whether my teeth has metal in it I don't endless list of cases oh jo.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Can you wash your wife's undies?

This was the topic of the heated argument in my office recently.
The guys brought it up actually. [I'm not married so why should I bother about this kain talk now. Plus I enjoy washing em myself at the moment so...]

Anyway, all the guys save for one said no.

Their reasons:
-Why should I wash my wife's undies?
-Why should I wash my wife's undies?
-Why should I wash my wife's undies?

Then they added:
-Why should I wash my wife's undies?
-Why should I wash my wife's undies?
-If I'd even do it at all, then it has to be when she is really ill. And I'd get a
house help to do it for her sef.
-My uncle is my mentor and I've never seen him do it for his wife. The day he
does it, then I'd do it too.

From the looks on their faces, you'd think they were asked to kill their mothers or rape a mosquito or do something extremely outrageous!

So I said:
I don't think I'd like my husband to wash my undies and I'd never suggest it to him either but what if he does? [I mean what's the big deal?]

-That is a weak man!
-Not in this century! No man! Ish!
-Na juju!
-Naija man?!

What if he just wants to help me because he wants to? After all, I'd be washing his boxers for him too and he doesn't even have to ask me to do it. I'd pick them out of the dirty cloth basket and soak them in detergent all the while singing "The things I do for love"[And I know some men leave very disgusting things in their boxers these days]

-Well, it's your job to wash his boxers!
-You're a woman!

Me:Ouch!Actually, I consider myself to be of greater importance than that!

I don't consider myself a feminist [I still need men in my world even though it kinda belongs to them] but in the face of these arrogant over inflated "egorized" pigs, I find myself wanting to sign up for a women libbers club or something!

They start shouting, laughing, screaming, making a lot of noise, on and on but I finally manage to catch their attention.

So I say:
Guess what I'd do for a man who just ups and washes my undies for me not because I asked him to but because he loves me and seeks an unusual channel of expression for this love? [What's even so unusual about it?]

Them [With ugly smirks on their faces]:
-What? What?
-Nothing she fit do! Nothing she go do!

I'd have the bed sheet scented, run some warm water in the bath tub, soak him in it and scrub his back after getting into the tub with him; I'd towel him dry and give him a massage, rubbing oil gently over his skin, claiming every inch of his body with my lips... and make sure our third child is conceived that night!

It suddenly seems like they're salivating.
-*Cough* Whatever
-I'd still not wash my wife's undies. I'd do anything else but that.

Well, you ain't gonna get that kind of loving then and you'd never have your wildest fantasy fulfilled[Nothing too weird please]

What's the difference between helping your woman peel onions and washing her undies? Really? One seems too degrading for male egos or what?
It's all bull. [Jesus washed twelve men's badly calloused feet in water! Isn't that like a hint on what humility should be all about? But I guess this doesn't in anyway concern a husband after all the bible only advises him to "love his wife" and love could be anything from making love to your wife without giving her a sweet warm hug first [Love is made on the bed right?] to letting her sit in the kitchen all of Saturday while you catch up on your sports [After all you're always at home for her right? I mean you could be in a club with your peeps right now. What will she say then?]

I'd never ask my husband to wash my undies but if he surprises me with a gift like this, why not baby?

Truth is love begins in the kitchen and everywhere else but the bedroom!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Ejura says Yes

Relationship gist's that season...

So I said yes to him.
and now I'm scared.
He's the serious kind of guy,
The one who isn't out to break your heart,
The one you can trust.
I've never really been that kind of girl,
My longest relationship was 7 months,
I'm afraid of commitment.
I keep holding back,
They say I've got fences around me,
Fences I put up myself,
Well, now I want to break free,
So I said yes.

However now that I've said yes to him,
Other guys are popping out of the shadows,
They all want to get married,
Where were there all this while huh?
What where they doing?
I've walked down the same street for a year now,
Lived in the same neighbourhood for that long too,
Why didn't they see me then?
Were they blind
Or have I changed?

Mominto says it's my time.
She says every woman has her season,
when men chase her like moths to a flame
just so she can have a whole lot of options.
I don't know which is better:
Having a whole lot of options or just knowing who the "chosen one" is?
She says to use this time well cos it may never come again and even if it does, it may take a while...
That's one reason why some women remain spinsters;
They didn't recognize when their time came.

Well, I've said yes,
and I'm going to stick to that.
He's got a great heart
and I know that's what counts.
I love him and he loves me.
God keep us together.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Some memorable first dates

Date 1: With the "I'm so perfect man"
Me: I'm so sorry I'm late, couldn't get a cab fast enough. [I was like 20mins late]
Him: No, it's ok
Me: I'm really sorry
Him: No, it's fine
Me: So tell me about yourself
Him: Well, I am a very time conscious person. When I tell somebody a particular hour, I stick to it.
[I thought he said he was ok with my being late]
Much later:
Him: What church do you attend?
Me: House on the rock
Him: Oh, I used to go there until I saw the light. Don't worry, you'd get there soon.
[What?!!Telling a potential friend she is in darkness on the first date? Who died and made you judge?]

Date 2: With the Narcissist
Him: Do you like sports?
Me: Yes, I like to watch...
Him: [Interrupts me] I play bball, football...I'm really good with sports.
Me: Oh, that's good
Him: Do you like to travel?
Me: Yes, I would love to see...
Him: [Interrupts me again] I love to travel! I've been on almost every continent! I go every where.
Me: Lucky you
Him: What do you read?
Me: Novels like...
Him: I read a lot, everything even...
[Did he really need a living date?]

Date 3: With the Insecure Freak
Him: Is that all you'll have?
Me: Yes, I'm ok
Him: Take more
Me: No, I'm ok [Sho, na by force]
Him: Do u think I cannot afford it?
Me: No, I'm ok, really
Him: I feel insulted
Me: Please don't be
Him: Ok, tell me about yourself
Me: Well, I'm just me, I could be friendly when need be, quiet when need be...I could say I'm a Chameleon, LOL
Him: That's bad! You shouldn't be a chameleon
[The dude starts telling me why I shouldn't be a chameleon. For goodness sake, I was only spoiling for a laugh!]
Next thing I know, he sends me a text, telling me how I treated him like shit, like he didn't have money, like he wasn't worthy of me. I'm wondering where he got that from.

Date 4:With the sex head
Him: Ejura, I love you. I want to marry you
Me: But I've told you before that I cannot marry you
Him: But why?
Me: Because I don't see you in that light; besides there's someone else
Him: Forget about him, I want to spoil you silly
Me: Thanks but I don't love you like that
Him: I know what would make you love me
Me: Really? What?
Him: Allow me have carnal knowledge of you.

Date 5: With the Desperado
Him: I really like you
Me: Thanks
Him: Baby, do you think we can be together?
Me: Like friends?
Him: Who's talking about friends here? I want to marry you
Me: But you just met me the day before yesterday
Him: It doesn't matter. I need to get married now. I'm old enough to be married. All my friends are getting married
Me: But what about love?
Him: I can take care of you girl. I'd give you all you need. You're igala, I'm igala, we can make this work.

Date 6: With an interesting man
Him: I was thinking you should try indian food so I took the liberty of ordering
Me: No, it's fine. I might as well try it today.
Him: It's really spicy you know. And they have the most lovely rice
Me: Really?
Him: Yes
[Food arrives]
Me: Wow, where do I start from?
Him: Let me show you. The green stuff over there is the peppermint...
Me: Peppermint in food?
Him: Haha, funny right? That's the way they eat it
Me: Hmm, kinda tasty
Him: I like that you're curious about it...
[This guy was so interesting, I had a great evening!]

Brothers abound in different flavours jare!
Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Happy birthday Mominto!

"Stop calling me mommy! Call me Mominto because I am the baby mommy!"

That's my mom's phrase. She says it all the time and I'm blogging about her now because it's her birthday! Yep, it's Mominto's birthday today. April 10th!

"Mommy, are you going to celebrate this year"s own?" I asked her before today.
"No way, not until I am 50!" She replied while she applied her make up.

"Why do you always have to do your eyebrows like that?" I asked again.
"Gerrout! What do you know? I am the fashionista!"

And she truly is. She loves fashion and makes it a point of duty to always be the belle of the ball. And though she’s my mom, we are so different in nature.

"Mommy, the pattern on your skirt is too much now! Haba, you want the whole world to notice you?"
"That's the whole point. I should be noticed!"

My mom is the funniest woman I know. Once, thieves came to our house and she heard them struggling with the gate. I'm not sure exactly what she was thinking when she took the stance of one holding an imaginary gun, went up to the window and screamed:"Advance to be recognized! If you move I shoot!"

Well, her bravado didn't stop them from getting into the house and she even ended up being the most cooperative of all.
Once I was at a supermarket with her and this man came to ask her out! She looked at him, looked at me and then laughed. She then pointed at me and told the man I was her daughter. He left us then but not without offering to pay for our purchases. My mom politely refused.

See, my mom is prettier than any of her children and doesn't even look her age. Most people think we are sisters and I find it annoying sometimes. I guess she enjoys it. She emphazises the point whenever she says "I am baby mommy!"

And she loves to fight with us girls! Play play fight of course! Every night just before they start her beloved Second Chance or the 9pm news we always fight for chair space. She loves it and I love it and it’s nice when we fight like that. She always wins the fight somehow.

While my mom is crazy about clean and beautiful environments, she hates going into the kitchen.
"My skin is too tender for the fire from the cooker. I can't go near it!"

I can count how many times she's been into the kitchen and when she does she comes out with some delicious food. She taught me once that if you have too many people come over to eat and very little food to go round, make sure to cook that food with lots of pepper. That way, they take two spoonfuls, drink a lot of water and are full very easily!

My mom would buy chocolates and hide in the bathroom to eat them. When you catch her in the act she'd say "Am I the only one who has kids?!!!!" Still, she is the most generous woman I have ever met.

She loves to pray though and makes sure the whole family is involved in her prayer. Once she rounded us up for morning devotion and she cleared her throat and started a worship song. This is the way it went:"Nobody wanna see us together but..." Akon's song had been played all week around her and it must have been burnt into her memory. We all burst into laughter and so did she.

She’s also very mischievous. I’d never forgot the day she mounted my cousin’s bike, started it and started screaming for help when the bike took off with her. I would never forget the panic in her face as she jumped off the motorcycle and landed in the grass! The bike went on into the fence. It was so funny I laughed for days on end.

Tell my mom you like a guy and the next thing she says when she meets this guy is:
“Oh, so it is you! My daughter likes you oh! Ignore her shakara jare!” The last time she did this to me, I wanted to so arghhh!

Sometimes, I feel I am the mother and she is the daughter but I love her the way she is and couldn't ask for another mom. She fills our house with laughter all the time just by being who she is. [Which is a handful].

So here’s wishing my very sanguine mother a great day today.
Happy birthday Mommy! Sorry, I mean Mominto!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

"Update!!!" they screamed! "Update! Update!"

Here goes:

Wrote an aptitude test some weeks back and had to jack Gmat like crazy. I spent sleepless nights trying to understand maths and I came to one conclusion-I really don't need that subject in my life. I mean, I understand it when you ask me to multiply 6 by 4 and subtract 20 from the figure you get. That's easy and full of logic. But why would anyone ask me to find out why X equals Y when it is raised to the power of 2?! Hello! We've left figures now and are doing alphabets? Why don't they just leave the alphabets were they belong? In books, in langauges, in literature, in conversation.

x+ y= x-y
Find y.

What if I told them "y" simply stood for "yeast" or "yellow" or "yarn"? They'd simply draw a big cross that looks like an X on my script and tell me I made an F9.
It's really funny that I once won a prize for best math student in JSS1. I also used to represent my school in JET competitions. I even finally ended up as the laboratory prefect. It's funny I was always among the top 2 in science class but maths was never my thing and while I was dying to study literature [In my school, you couldn't do literature if you were a science student] my math teacher thought I was on my way to becoming one of the best doctors of all time. Ha ha! My waec result came out and I made a p8 in maths! That shut my teacher up for a while. I resat the exam again and I made a p7. I'm yet to write it the third time and I even doubt that I will but I'm thinking I would definitely make a C6 this time! It's called persistence abi? I salute all you mathsters around the world though. I admire you, I respect you but with due respect to you all, I don't envy you!

All ye fools
I actually planned to fool you guys on April fool's day but didn't make it. I was going to tell you that my book had come out and that I was going to have a book launch. I even designed a cover for it. But hey! I'm also thinking I could actually write a book. It doesn't have to be an April fool thing.

Bible study Invitation
Plus if you're a christian and you live in Abuja and want to get to know more about the word of God, there's this Bible Society Fellowship going on in town. It's run by Americans and it's so much fun. You get to study a particular book in the bible, attend interesting lectures and even have interesting group discussions where you can bare your mind, ask questions and even answer questions the way you know how. It's really great and you'll learn how to depend more and more on the Holy Spirit everyday. It holds evert Tuesday by 5: 30 pm.
So I'd blog up when the next introduction class will kick off and you could come around if you're interested.
Venue: 1st Baptist Church,
Gimbiya Street, [Same street as 247, Roses and Ibiza]
Area 11,

Legal case with Fantasy Queen
I'm also thinking of suing Fantasy Queen for using my picture as her screen saver! I'm gonna get the best boston legal expert on blogsphere and sue her for a whooping sum of money in dollars! It's gonna be so huge I'd be rich! And I'm gonna be so rich that I'd have breakfast in Madrid, have my laundry done in Tokyo, purchase all my chocolates from France and have dinner in Italy!

Could this be love?
Then keep your fingers crossed for me but it seems like cupid has struck me for real this time. The funny thing is that this guy has always been around me. We've been friends like forever! Love [I'm really hoping it is] was in front of me all this while and I never knew it! There I was looking somewhere else when he was just by my side. Goodness! Anyway, I'm treading this path carefully. I'm glad but scared so I don't wanna rush into something and make a fool out of myself at the end.

Take care
And if you're feeling down today, remember God loves you and give yourself a big warm squeeze and smile! He's always there!