Monday, July 28, 2008

For the record

I am not beefing Bella Adenuga oh! I have NO beef with her. That post wasn't about comparing myself with Bella Adenuga for any personal reason [I hardly know her!] but about looking for the differences between the rich and the poor. And the truth is that when it comes down to it, there isn't much difference between the two or three-that is if you add the middle class to it. We all are made of the same fabric. What makes the difference is the financial success one group has that is obviously missing in the other.
Bella Adenuga was just em, what's it called, the prototype of the rich while I am a prototype of an individual who also wants to enjoy some level of financial success.

You see a vendor holding out a paper that reads : Stella dies for love!
You buy the paper because you want to know what it is all about. You're wondering how she died for love, how it killed her. You rush to page 22 and hope to see an obituary announcement but instead you find an interview. You read through the interview and find a question asked by the interviewer:

"So Stella, it seems you are a hopeless romantic..."

And our Stella replies:
"Oh yes, I will not deny it. I can die for love."

And then it suddenly occurs to you that you were just duped of a 100 naira by a Paper all because you saw a catchy line that appealed to your curiosity. The media knows catchy lines work.

I could have titled the post : Bill Gates farts. Oprah picks her nose. Tyra Banks has pimples too. Etc...

Isn't all that much more catchy than : "Why is Bella Adenuga rich and I am not?" or "Difference between the rich and the poor" or "I want to make money!" or...

Still I apologise to anyone that was hurt on her behalf. I have NO BEEF with her. As a matter of fact, I admire all she stands for [I won't mind standing on that platform too]. In future I will try to use more normal titles. In the event that I do not succeed in trying...blame it on the media streak. We gotta sell!

Bottom line: We all shit. The difference is one does so in a diamond plated toilet, the other in a floral tiled one and the other in a pit latrine.

Enough of the shit talk already. Enjoy a great week ahead...

Friday, July 25, 2008

Djimon Hounsou set for a sequel?

"Kids in Congo were being sent down mines to die so that kids in Europe and America could kill imaginary aliens in their living rooms"

Blood Diamond 2? Read full story here.

Have a great weekend peeps! I'm kinda under the weather today. Aunty flo just fell out of it.
Take care and be good!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Check this out!

Ø The chief engineer of the British post office said in 1876: “We don’t need a telephone, we
have plenty messenger boys.”

Ø In 1943, the chairman of IBM, Thomas Watson, predicted a world market for just five

Ø The chief engineer of IBM in 1968 commented about a microchip: “But what good is it for?”

Ø Gordon Moore, co founder of Intel said in 1970 that home computers would be a waste of

Ø Both Atari and Hewlett-Packard turned down the idea of a personal computer presented
by the developers of Apple and told them to go back to college.

Ø The great Bill Gates forecast in 1981 that personal computer memory of 640k should be
enough for anybody.
Culled from "How to make money out of thin air" by Brian Sher

Added by me:
The first woman Jim Ovia asked out chased him away with a pestle saying he didn't have a bank account. Lol!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Bella Adenuga shits

So what's the difference between Bella Adenuga and me? I can't seem to find any except that she is so rich and I am not.
What similarities do we share?
Ok, let's see, she shits, I shit. She picks her nose, I do too but usually not in public. She farts, I fart especially in my room. She pees, I pee too-like 10 times in a day when I am extremely cold. We both fix hair extensions seeing we are not blessed with the long flowing manes of our Caucasian sisters. I'd rather braid my hair any day though than fix a weave.
We're pretty much alike in all regards save for the money thing. So why does she have so much money and I don't? What's the issue here? Am I missing something?
Ejura are you insane? Her dad's almighty Mike Adenuga! One of the wealthiest men in Africa. What are you talking about you little fly! She's just lucky to be his daughter is all. You could have been his daughter too if you fell into his wife's uterus you know.
Ok, so she has had the privilege of starting life with a diamond spoon in her mouth. But did they always have diamond spoons? Is there a possibility that somewhere in the Adenuga lineage there was a wooden spoon? No make that a clay spoon or even a chewing stick. Isn't it true that for every shadow we sit beneath, someone planted a tree?

Ejura, don't be silly. She is a rich man's child and nothing can change that.
Ok, so maybe I should be comparing myself instead with Mike Adenuga himself since I intend to be the wealthy mother of a rich child...

I want to plant my tree now! I'm going to plant my tree. I need a seed because I am determined not to plant just any tree but an oak tree. Yes. One that big and strong that would supply shade for years and years to come. So I need the right seed.
Ejura, this world is not your home oh. You're a Christian. Why such a passionate desire to be wealthy? Ehn?

My friend's dad once told her "We are not meant to make money. Just be content with what you have and thank God that you even have at all."
My cousin's dad said to her: "What do you need a job that pays a hundred and something naira monthly for? Stay here and be content with the 6,000 naira you earn. The world is full of evil."
I hold my head in my hands and wail at this type of thinking. What?!!!!!
Do you have any idea just how wealthy God is?
I am going to make money. I would make it but it shall not control me. I would make it with honest work and wise investments.
So tell me, what are the secrets of the Adenugas? What are the secrets of the rich and mighty?

"People often have a funny attitude about money. They are quick to say that money doesn't mean a lot to them, but spend their lives working to get it. Why not admit that money is important, and that it is basic to living a good life, wonderful if rightly used?"
Catherine Ponder

Monday, July 14, 2008

A million and something cowards

"Cowardice asks: is it safe? Consensus asks: is it popular? Character asks: is it right" -Dr Martin Luther King Jr.

I saw my neighbour's son running an errand recently and wondered why he wasn't in school until I remembered that teachers were still on strike. How sad. Anyway, yesterday I leafed through a paper and saw that the NASS is set to have their salaries reviewed. While the figures quoted by the paper is way too much for me to remember, I do recall seeing that a NASS member could hence forth go home with at least 10 million naira monthly. Not to mention all the other allowances!
Now pitch that against what our teachers are asking for and what we get is the typical Animal Farm scenario!

"Our leaders are all thieves! Bloody thieves all of them! They just keep fattening their pockets while we suffer poverty and everything that comes with it!"

I used to think that way too until I hung out with some friends recently. We were in this jeep belonging to a man who obviously digs one of my friends. The guy stops to see another friend of his, probably to discuss business, when one of my friends in front opens one of those storage compartments in cars and discovers there's lots of money in it.
She exclaims: Make una see money oh! And next thing I know, she pulls out some wads and starts sharing it to us at the back. She says "Ejura take! Take now before he comes!" And I am so shocked by what is going on, I tell her "No, I can't! It's not my money!"
I now go on to add that they didn't have to take his money when he could have given them some as dash if they were patient enough to wait. And they tell me
"Stay there! You don't know anything. Come make we teach you." [Paraphrase]

I sit back and don't say anything after that. The man gets back into his car and we hit the road again. He doesn't know what just happened and he obviously may not even miss the money but it sets me thinking.

If my friends and I can sit down dissing Nigerian leaders and how they only know how to chop money on one page and on the next page, we deep our hands into someone else's purse and take what isn't ours, then what are we talking about?

Some people may laugh this off and say it's a case of gurls just being gurls but these gurls, including me, nurse ambitions to become leaders in Nigeria tomorrow and if we can bat our lashes and help ourselves today from another man's purse, what will we do tomorrow when we actually occupy these leadership positions?

How many of us are truly different from these leaders huh? Why cast stones when we are buried in a heap of them ourselves?
Ok, true, I didn't partake of the money with them but I couldn't stop them neither did I really air my views on the issue for fear it would turn into a cold war between my friends and I. Is that what I would do in a leadership position too? Choose friendship over what is right? Condone corruption, so I won't be the odd one out?

You know why God finished off a particular generation of the Israelites in the wilderness and didn't allow them get into the promise land? It was so they wouldn't bring their evil mentalities into the new land and corrupt the next generation. God wanted a clean slate for Israel. Now how do we get a clean slate for Nigeria?
Did you say prayer is the key?

While I do not in any way deny the power of prayer, I think this "Nigerian spirituality" is also responsible for what is killing us. What would have happened to South Africa if Mandela and others like him chose to lock themselves up in their rooms to pray? What would have happened if Rosa Parks got up that seat in the bus and went back home to pray?

What can I do? I am only one person.
Alas! I share the cowardice of millions of other Nigerians like me.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

I guess I'm just slow...

So I have always been the last one to learn the slang. I started using "fashi" when it was way out the door. I didn't understand what my sister meant when she talked about "pepper" and even "the koko" kinda took me unawares.
Code conversations with me and you've lost me. I can't even speak pidgin without people bursting into laughter.
"Ejura e no fit you oh!"
[I haven't given up on that language though.I love the way it sounds on people who have a flair for it].

Yesterday, I was watching Sound City's Naeto-C's [sp?] album launch and I wondered why they were speaking the way they did.
"Yeah, men, we put the W in effect, you know what I mean, we in the house, ladies in the house, we bringing it down to the P. You know, it's Naeto-C and we hot like fire, we bringing on the shine, we bring sexy back..."

Probably showbiz lingo and I catch the drift but at the same time I don't. What's a W? What's the P? Plus it was my first time ever of hearing about Naeto-C. Ordinarily, I would have thought it was another brand of the Nutri-C drink. I am that clueless, really.

Check me out with music. I really suck at it. When everyone was screaming "No air", I was wondering where the air went. When I got to hear the song, I wasn't still sure what people were raving about until recently when I started to feel it. Same with "Irresistable" and "Bleeding heart or is it love-the one with the Lewis girl." When Nice came up with is it "Kongwaso" [forgive my spelling], what I was hearing was "Conductor" and I couldn't understand why people were so excited about it. I still don't know what it is but I guess it's got to be something for him to have been invited for Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday concert.

Over to blogville or the chatroom where I see things like ROFLMAO [roll of from laughing my ass off?] or is it LMAOMB [Laugh my ass off my body?]... I know I've got them all mixed up but that's because I don't really know what they mean. It beats me how people conceive these ideas. Really.

Recently I shouted out to a friend as her car pulled off "Don't do what I wouldn't do gurl!" and she pokes her head out the window, shakes her head and says "That's like doing nothing ever! I won't survive it!" and I head back to my office laughing.

But it got me thinking later. Is my life so boring? Or do they perceive me boring from the stand point of what they imagine fun to be?
I guess I am slow, socially slow maybe but I'm not sure I care...and if I do, maybe just a little...but at least I take consolation in the fact that my "exciting fun filled" friends still love hanging out with boring me.

So I guess I am not that bad afterall. Right?

Monday, July 7, 2008

Cookie Monster

She couldn't believe the image in the mirror as tears poured down her face.

"Careful now or you'd ruin your make up" The stylist advised touched by his client's reaction.

"I never knew I could look this beautiful...look at my brows, my skin so..." She broke down again making her masacara run.

"Pull yourself together sweetheart cos at this rate you'd ruin your hair and your new clothes"

She turned to look at him dabbing at her eyes with the cotton handkerchief he had just handed her.

"Clothes?" Her money didn't cover for clothes. She'd only paid for facials, hair and make up.

"Yes dear, clothes with compliments from the style team-promotional stuff you know; please don't cry again."

She watched as his assistant wheeled in a cloth hanger with two different outfits. Willing herself to maintain her composure, she got up to feel the fabrics.

"Thank you so much" She kept saying over and over again.

"It's ok dear. Let's get you dressed."

She stepped out of the beauty house that afternoon, feeling alive and with a new sense of purpose-a feeling she hadn't experienced in so long. Her tears threatened to drop but she couldn't let them right now. They would simply ruin her make up which would in turn ruin the effect she hoped to have on Cookie. It was his birthday and she had been planning this surprise for over a year now and nothing was going to spoil it.

Just then, a car pulled up infront of her.

"Can I give you a ride princess?" It was a dashing young man poking his head out the window.

"No but thank you" she said sincerely. He was the third man so far to gush over the new her and while it made her feel incredibly great she knew her beauty was for Cookie and Cookie alone.

"You're beautiful" he said as he drove off. The smile of delight on her face couldn't be helped.

Just as she made to hail a cab, a woman, obviously in a rush, ran up to her.

"I've been watching you from the store over there and I think you may make us a great model. I'm kinda in a rush but here's my card. Give me a call."

She stood speechless as she turned the card in her hand, she was sure she'd died and gone to heaven. A modelling agency card? All in one day? This couldn't be happening.

It was an excited woman that got into a cab and headed home. Cookie was going to love the new her and she couldn't wait for him to see her. Now, she was sure he would love her like never before. He'd cherish her and fill her ears with sweet nothings just like he had done when they were still dating. She was so sure of it she smiled smugly.

She paid the cabbie who winked at her before driving off. With eager steps she ran up to the front door and let herself in with her key. It was 6 pm and Cookie would be at the back yard smoking his cigarettes.

She found him easily.

"Hi love!" Her voice wasn't as low as it used to be which shocked Cookie as he turned to look at her.

She waited, holding her breathe while his eyes swept over her. She knew he was coming to give her a kiss when he walked over to her and pulled her close to him. Eyes closed, she reached for him when the slap across her face threw her back.

Her hand flew to her mouth where she found she was bleeding. The strange ring he always wore had wreaked havoc on her face again.

"Who gave you the permission to do this huh? Who?!" His voice thundered.

"I thought you'd like it" She explained stepping back from him. "It's supposed to be a surprise tonight for your birthday, I thought you'd..." He didn't allow her finish as he pulled her by the hair, dragged her into the kitchen and pushed her against the counter where he tore off the skirt and the sexy underwear she had just been given by the beauty house.

"I hate surprises and you know it or is this supposed to make me want you more? Make me love you tenderly tonight? You think this can change the way you look?"

He pushed her legs apart as he undid his jeans and let it fall down his legs.

"I can love you passionately baby, hard and passionate. That's what you want right?"

He took her right there, against the counter, ramming her back into its cold marble edge, cussing as he moved.

"You are worthless and ugly and will always be. Without me you are nothing. You need me. You need me! Say it you bitch! Say it!"

Unshed tears burned in her throat as his frenzied thrusts pushed the sharp edge of the counter into her back, tearing her skin.

"I need you" Came her weak response.

"Louder!" He ordered as he came. "Louder bitch louder!" His fingers dug into her scalp, inflicting what they knew best to.

"I need you!" She had learned to obey him; the cost of disobedience was way too high.

"Good girl" He cooed as he slipped out of her. "What do you say?" He grabbed her face and drew it close to his.

"I love you" She whimpered.

"Kiss me now" He ordered, his voice like steel and she did like the obedient dog that she was.

"Would you leave me ever?"

She shook her head vehemently.

"I want to hear you say it"

"No, never, never!"

"Why?" He'd unbuttoned her blouse now, staring at her new bra. "Why?!"

"Because you'd kill me if I do"

"Good bitch" He pushed her aside and made for the door where he paused. She looked up at him with fear in her eyes, waiting for the worse.

"I hate that hair do, take it off and the damn bra too."

With that, he let the door slam hard and made his way to the yard where he was going to resume smoking his cigarettes.

Her tall lean frame shook as she crouched in a corner by the counter. Voices clashed in her head as her body shook with unshed tears.

"You're a beautiful woman, let me buy you lunch...Can I give you a ride?...Wow! Gorgeous! You'd make a great model..."

She touched her swollen lip, then picked up her torn skirt. Anger shot through her and she shook like a leaf.

"Liars! All of them liars!"
Picking herself from the floor, she realized it was almost 7. She had to make Cookie's birthday dinner before it got too late.

PS: Inspired by a message by Pastor Adefarasin at House on the Rock Church in Abuja yesterday and Photo gotten from aloofar without permission. Sue me! lol!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

No more holes in my pocket

I've never really been so knowledgeable about financial investments and stuff.
The average Nigerian is as ignorant as I am too. Those who know anything at all are only too proud to show you shares certificates. After that, there's a brain drain.

I'm even more ignorant than they are.

Is buying shares the only financial investments there is? Are there other investment options?
I know of bonds, Forex, er...that's it.

But is that all?
Guys, you guys are always into one runs or the other. Fill me in. I want to make the dough too. I'm mending the holes in my pocket.

I'm tired of a salary, savings in the bank and "my uncle is governor of...". I wanna play dice too.

Any blog Warren Buffet around?
Leave advice.