I really don't have any idea what to blog about and the anonymous tip about the happenings at Mirage's page have left me, well, I don't know...is that thing going on there for real?
Anyway, I was actually thinking of starting a match making kinda thingy just for wellsbaba but after what I just read at that page, I've decided to kill that idea, not that it would have even worked out in the first place. I was just looking for some fun.
Marriage. That word! How I dreamt about it the moment I was introduced into the land of fairy tales by Walt Disney cartoons. Every doll I ever had was my baby-there was no need for a father just then. My hormones hadn't started raging, my life was sheer childish bliss where the prince was an inconsequential frog who only gave my imagination wings.
My parents weren't a very happy couple and with time they split. I was happy. I had begged them for a divorce for so long. They said they wanted to stick together for the children; the children were telling them to give it up. They didn't want to. They were killing me everyday with their fights.Words of hate thrown at each other like air and I wondered how on earth they ever loved. I sought solace in my imagination. I wished my frog would appear now for that kiss. I wanted my own husband. I was going to be happy with him. He would love me and we would never fight.
I nursed this dream until I went to school. In a playground of young testosterone charged boys, all I knew was fear. When they said they wanted a relationship, I saw the shackles of marriage. I was going to be independent. I didn't need a man in my life. I would have kids but raise them alone. That way they would be happy and know peace in the cradles they weren't given a right to choose.
But Ar wouldn't let me be. He was always there trying to change my resolve. I had feelings for him but I would not let them out. I didn't need him. I needed no man. He persisted gently, afraid to hurt me. He saw me cry but I won't let him clean my tears. I didn't believe his words and I wanted no part of him. I fled. He relented. We loved each other but I was afraid.
Years and years. My parents were finally civil to each other. More years and years and they even started chatting on phone again. Sometimes they'd take two steps forward only to move five steps backward. Life went on, slow and unpredictable.
Ar found me again and this time I was ready. My fears didn't die but I was determined to take that step into his arms. Fear and hope clash in my heart even now. Fear of repeating the same mistakes as my folks. Hope that it's possible I can make it right with Ar. Fear of running out on him again. Hope that I would abandon myself in love to grow. Perfect love knows no fear. The torch of love may just drive this darkness of fear.
My parents want to reconcile. Over 10 years of separation and now I watch them chase each other again in the game of love. Father pursues and mother smiles shyly. I stand by my window just watching...maybe I am yet to grace another wedding where I would be maid of honor to the woman that gave me birth and to the man who planted the seed.
Their drama may be over; mine is just about to start. I pray thee God of love please lead me.
@ Wellsbaba: when I was done with my post, I clicked on spell check and your name was highlighted. I clicked on your name and guess the option the spell check gave me: Beelzebub! It just cracked me up now!!!!!!!!!
I just did afrobabe and it said :everybody!
Ejura even has Okra as an option!