Oh yes, he had been doing the same thing to them too and threatening them into keeping quiet. [I still wonder till today why no one noticed. How did he get away with all this? ] I was furious and indignant and livid and angry! I could taste the bile in my mouth. Somehow I couldn’t hold it in anymore and went to see my dad for a talk. If my dad was shocked, he hid it well but I could tell he was furious and sad. He told me not to tell my mom with good reason-she’d kill my cousin [I still haven’t told her to this day]. Anyway my cousin was no longer with us and had moved on to my aunt’s house in another city. My dad called her to warn her that they were harboring a Mr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde. I guess it was too late for he had touched some of the kids there too.
I felt much freer after this but I had my polluted mind to deal with. So much garbage had gone into it and it was going to take some time to clear it out. I started reading my bible more often, threw out all my novels [You know there’s a lot of written porn in many romance novels today] and avoided watching soaps for sometime. It wasn’t easy but I was determined to be free. And it was working. I had many relapses though but this was where I learnt there is no such thing as over-night success. You keep trying, you keep falling but you keep picking yourself up and trying again.
Still I hated my cousin and didn’t want to see him ever again.
Anyway, one day I stumbled upon a diary and discovered it was his. I was thrilled to find it and eagerly leafed through the pages looking for something to nab him with. It was full of phone numbers and addresses and then a few unimportant info here and there. Then I came across an entry he had made and I was shocked.
In paraphrase [I would be a wizard if I could remember it word for word]:
“Please God, help me. I can’t help myself. I hate what I have become but I can’t seem to help myself. I hate what I do but I can’t stop…”
Needless to say, I was shocked, confused and then angry. This devil of a cousin had the audacity to go to God?! I hoped God will never forgive him and that he will die with his sins on his head.
Fancy that! They destroy your life and still have the guts to cry out to God for mercy? If you’ve watched T.D Jakes “Woman thou art loosed” [The movie], you’d understand what I mean.
Anyway, I got into the university and had other things to occupy myself with for a while. It was funny I never dated any guy until my last year in school. I guess I had a lot of healing to do. But gradually I started getting much better and making progress. I fast discovered I wasn’t the only girl who’d gone through stuff like this. And one day I began wondering about my cousin.
Was it possible someone else had also done the same thing to him too when he was a child?
It’s a long story but somehow I struggled to forgive him and though it was somewhat difficult, I realized I couldn’t keep hating him for the rest of my life. It takes too much energy to hate someone. If anything I felt pity for him. He was going to have to live with this on his conscience for the rest of his life and that was enough punishment in my opinion so I forgave him and moved on.
He got married last year and I called him the morning of his wedding to congratulate him. His wife is a nice woman and I hope she never leaves him entirely alone with their babies when they start making them. [He seems different but to me he will always be a man to be wary of] My sister still hates him but I guess these things take time.
It was a long tedious journey but I made it and I'm still on my way. It's amazing how I can look back at this horid event and feel no pain or anger. There was a time I never believed it possible;
You take care and watch your kids!!!