Disvirgined virgin

He always managed to find me which wasn't such a surprise as we lived in the same house. He would pull me to himself, raise my skirt, pull down my pants and push his fingers in so hard that it hurt. When he was done, he would arrange my clothes and warn me not to tell. And I would nodd my agreement and watch him walk away.

I was about 7 or even younger. He was perhaps 15 or maybe even older. He was my cousin and he was a monster no one knew lived in the house. And this monster was taking away my innocence everyday.

This went on untill I was about 11. By then I knew what he was all about and I allowed him do whatever it was he wanted to do. Somehow I wanted him to do it. Push his hands into my skirt and do what he had to do. He would also bring out his penis and ask me to hold unto it. I was scared and curious and guilty and damned and helpless...

By age 12, I discovered what the word sex meant in a dictionary and I realised I had been engaging in some mild form of it all this while. Somehow finding out exactly what the word meant and how it applied to my situation set something off in me. I hated him and I hated myself even more. No one knew. And that was how I wanted it to remain. A dark secret that would somehow eventually kill me...

Oneday I was in the dinning and he rushed and grabbed my breasts. I was 12 and just budding and if you're a woman, you'll no doubt understand how painful it is for anyone to even mildly touch your breasts at this stage. Well, this cousin did and I was so upset I picked up an empty coke bottle I found by the door and launched at him. I wanted to kill him and not just because he had touched my breasts but because of everything he had done to me. My hatred was enough fuel to help me inflict some pain on him even if I was just a skinny little girl and I was determined to do it until I heard my mom's scream.

"Ejura, what is wrong with you?!!!" My mom shouted. I was breathing hard and staring my cousin in the face, my face set as rock.
I pointed the bottle at him and let out a string of insults "Stupid, idiot, devil...!!!". My mom had never seen me that way before and she was surprised.
"Don't you have any respect for your seniors?" She shouted at me while I watched my cousin smirk.
"Apologize now" She ordered but I knew I was never going to do that and as I looked at my mom I wondered if I should tell her everything. My lips trembled with rage as I contemplated my next step and I finally decided to keep quiet.
She won't understand. She'd blame me for everything. Everyone would. Will. Shall. I was guilty and that was it...

To be continued...

Swinging

As a child, swinging was what I did for fun. I would place my little behind on the wooden seat and beg John, the gardener to push my swing just so I could gather enough momentum to see me through my air bound journey.

It was such a thrill to see myself go higher and higher with every swing while Mama Emma would stand by and sing:

"Lilo da dadi,

Lilo da dadi,

ka da yaro ya fado..."

Translated: "Swinging is sweet but let the child not fall..." [Pardon my Hausa].

I can't remember when last I swung [swinged? swang? oh whatever] though.

So you can imagine how thrilled I was when I found out about the swingers club.

A swinging club? Like exercise or something? Trust these whites to come up with different sports! That pleasurable activity that thrilled me so much as a child is now a sport! Fancy that!

Silly me! How was I to know that swinging would have any connection whatsoever with sex? I'm fast learning however that words do have more than one meaning these days. Eg. A milk shake is no longer just a drink...

So back to swinging other wise known as the lifestyle. Why in anyone's name would a married couple go to a club to have sex with another married couple? It beats me, seriously.

John and Mary need to spice up their sex
lives and the only way to do it is to go to a swingers club and have sex with
Shawn and Nancy? Or John would watch Mary have sex with Shawn in order to feel
some sexual excitement?

Couples sleep with other couples to have fun? My goodness! What have we become? It seems with every generation a new form of sexual depravity is created. Laboratories are constructed in eccentric minds and new formulas are created...sex is unleashed in the most sickening creative ways!

I wonder what the devil sees in sex that makes him want to destroy it so. Why is he so bent on distorting the original? And why do people just go with the flow? Why can't we stop and really see how none of it makes sense.

I remember when Limbo was on heat. She wasn't such a pretty bitch but then all the dogs in the neighbourhood went after her like she was the queen bee. I watched them gather around her and a brawl always ensued but the strongest or maybe the most determined always won. The others at least had the decency to leave. They didn't all stand around and engage in an orgy! No, they had the common sense to leave the bitch alone with the dog of her dreams! And I thought homosapiens were the higher species...


May the Lord help us with all the self control we need. May this generation seek the truth and may we find it!
I'm going swinging soon and when I say swinging, I mean sitting on that wooden chair and swaying back and forth till I am high up in the sky. My goodness, even this sentence seems ambigious! Lord help us!